How to Heal: Navigating the non-linear process
“As I often tell my students, the two most important phrases in therapy, as in yoga, are 'Notice that' and 'What happens next?' Once you start approaching your body with curiosity rather than with fear, everything shifts.”
- Bessel van der Kolk, Psychiatrist and best selling author of The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma,
First and foremost it is important to acknowledge that there is no one singular way to heal. Everything shared here is simply a perspective– conclusions I have come to that are a reflection of both my life experience and study of psychology and yoga. With that said, I believe that when we learn a good thing, it is important that we share it. So, on that note, let’s dive in.
The reality is, there is no one way to heal. If you have ever been through a chapter of life that has been challenging, painful, or traumatic (and let’s face it, if you’re human, you likely have), you will know that adverse experiences often linger with us long after they are over. When a painful experience ends- whether it be a bee sting or a break up- there are after effects, a residue that lingers in both body and mind. For some of us, this manifests as PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). For others the aftermath of adversity is less extreme- yet a sense of discomfort or dis- ease may still be present. Acknowledging these feelings, physical, mental, and/or energetic is the first step on the path of healing.
Now, I know in the past I personally have found myself manically searching for a clear cut path that will take me to “fully healed” - seeking a straight line to the metaphorical gold at the end of the rainbow. I spent years seeking answers outside of myself, hoping countless therapists and healers could “fix” me, tell me exactly what was wrong and piece my seemingly broken pieces back together- or at least tell me exactly what I needed to do to do so.
Unfortunately, I found, there is no one singular path. Fortunately, I found, there are an infinite number of paths.
Choosing which path to take can be intimidating- like approaching a crossroads with a million different ways forward to choose from. Over the years of both studying and receiving therapy, I have come to a simple 3 step process that helps me navigate these intersections. This simple process has been a way for me to fine tune my internal compass to choose the path forward that is most conducive to my healing.
The three steps are:
Notice
Acknowledge
Respond
1. Notice
This step of the process is all about slowing down and tuning in. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Feel your physical body in contact with the support beneath you. Connect to the present. In the present we are able to check in with our internal landscape and notice the sensations and feelings within us. What is your experience of your internal landscape right now? Without trying to label or title what they are, tune into sensation - the colours, textures, temperatures, where in the body you feel each particular sensation- get specific. Comb through sensations, one at a time, and allow yourself to feel them all.
2. Acknowledge
Once we have taken the time to fully experience our inner reality, we shine light on feelings we may have previously denied or nudged into the shadows. We then have the capacity to take our next step on the path of healing. Acknowledge feelings, perhaps give them a name, note if they are familiar or new. It is only once these feelings + sensations are validated and acknowledged that there is the potential to move forward. Feelings are made to be felt. If they are denied expression or acknowledgement, they will continue to present themselves, either through sensation, emotion, or subconscious actions.
Bessel A. van der Kolk, psychiatrist and best selling author of, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, states,“Neuroscience research shows that the only way we can change the way we feel is by becoming aware of our inner experience and learning to befriend what is going inside ourselves.” Learn to befriend your feelings. Even the hard ones.
3. Respond
According to clinical psychologist and founder of NVC (Nonviolent communication), Marshall Rosenberg, every feeling or emotion is tied to either a met or unmet need. Through identifying our feelings, we are able to link feelings to a need. In identifying feelings and connecting them to needs, we have the capacity to take action and meet our own needs. In doing this we step into sovereignty in our healing process.
As our feelings shift and change, our needs change. As our needs change, our actions need to change in correspondence with those needs.
The non linear process of life presents a kaleidoscope of emotion. Different moments of the healing journey require different things. In order to respond to our feelings and needs in a way that is conducive to our healing, we must explore the landscape of potential actions and practices that honour our needs. We must learn, through trial and error, what we need and when we need it. Sometimes you may need a yoga practice, other times a long walk. Nourishing yourself may mean an evening spent with old friends, a nourishing meal, a surf, or perhaps something entirely different. Fine tuning our awareness to our feelings and emotions and exploring how to navigate the outer world in alignment with this inner world is how we grow. It is how we heal.
Lastly, just want to remind you once again that healing is non linear. One day you might be fine, and the next day- very not fine. This is not only ok- it is normal. It is the nature of the human experience to fluctuate, change, ebb, and flow. Healing is not about going from point A to point B- it is not about going from “broken” to “healed”. It is meeting yourself over, and over, and over again, acknowledging what you feel, and enquiring within.
For me, quite frequently, meditation and yoga are the answer. I have curated a guided meditation and visualization for healing on a physical, emotional, and energetic level. It is one that I practice whenever something is feeling off. It helps me let go of a need to control, reconnect to my center, and recharge my being. I hope it serves as a tool you can add to your toolkit to honour your needs.
To practice the meditation, click here. If you aren’t a māia member, you can practice it for free by starting your free 7 day trial now.
Remember there is path of healing, and you are on it. There are no steps backward, every step is a step forward. I invite you the next time uncomfortable thoughts or feelings arise to embark on this 3 step process- notice, acknowledge, and respond.